I am going to be upfront about this. It is not sunshine and daisies, people. Moreover, pills don’t cure anything, they’re like a band-aid and sometimes the bandaid falls off and your wound becomes exposed, so you need to clean it up and put on a new band-aid.
Once it takes hold of you, you become your illness, you become that dark abyss and it is scary. This is how I am feeling as of late.
When you let yourself go, when your mind starts to wander and you begin to believe it, you are cutting your life span down by a landslide. This is something serious that all people should be made aware of and it is scary.
Some statistics to consider:
“10-13% of individuals with schizophrenia and 15% of individuals with bipolar disorder will take their lives.” AND “At least 5,000 individuals who commit suicide each year are psychotic at the time of their suicide.”
“People with psychotic disorders, such as schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, are 12 times more likely to commit suicide than average, according to research released today by King’s Health Partners.”
I am calling my doctor ASAP because I’m scared. This is our reality at times. I’m not going to sugar coat the worst part of having bipolar disorder or schizophrenia.
Edit- I am not considering taking my life. I’m having a “mixed episode”. Which is the worst part of living with this shit. I will let the internet explain what I mean.
“Mixed episodes are defined by symptoms of mania and depression that occur at the same time or in rapid sequence without recovery in between..”
Mania with mixed features usually involves irritability, high energy, racing thoughts and speech, and overactivity or agitation.
Depression during episodes with mixed features involves the same symptoms as in “regular” depression, with feelings of sadness, loss of interest in activities, low energy, feelings of guilt and worthlessness, and thoughts of suicide.
This may seem impossible. How can someone be manic and depressed at the same time? The high energy of mania with the despair of depression are not mutually exclusive symptoms, and their co-occurrence may be much more common than people realize.”
Sounds nuts, am I right?