It Always Comes Back Uninvited.

Recently and just as soon as I was relieved to be back on track after starting a new medication, I fell back into depression about a month later.  This is why bipolar disorder is so annoying, difficult and just painful, I wish I could smack it.  Sometimes, we the lucky have to get our meds adjusted, and at the most inconvenient times I might add.  Like right now, when I have bills due. (sigh)  It just happens for no reason other than chemicals misfiring in my brain.  Luckily, my doctor can fit me in at 7pm on a Tuesday, but it’s definitely better sooner rather than later.img_4212

Sometimes, you may see us at our absolute worse and we act perfectly fine around you which takes years of constant practice and discipline.  I have learned to control how I act on the outside even though inside I am screaming and pissed off.  It’s all about tackling the enemy in my head.  It is exhausting.

There is no cure, only maintenance and self-care. My biggest crutch when I’m in depression is cigarettes, I need to just quit already.  On a positive note, I love to write and listen to music and my support system is obviously amazing as well.

I must keep my brain occupied and my blood flowing or that’s when I fall hard. It’s gotten a lot easier to manage and it gets a little bit easier every time.  

That’s if you know it’s coming which is rare.

It usually hits me like a truck.

But I never give up and neither should you!

Published by capricious.capo

I am diagnosed as Bipolar 1. I am an advocate for mental health awareness and have helped fundraise towards nonprofit organizations like NAMI. I write about my own personal struggles and success stories to help end a national stigma that hurts and alienates those who battle mental illness. Beyond fighting for mental health awareness, I am tech nerd, hair enthusiast, film buff and music lover. I love my family and support system with all my heart. I have green hair and tattoos because I want to. I’ve always stood out in one way or another. I studied photography and received an associates degree. I have my high school AP literature teacher to thank for inspiring me to pursue journalism, and for writing me a heartfelt letter of recommendation that I still have as a reminder. High school was a decade ago, but in times like these, Publishing an opinionated, personal and maybe controversial blog about living with a mood disorder seemed like a good enough start.

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