It Always Comes Back Uninvited.

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Recently and just as soon as I was relieved to be back on track after starting a new medication, I fell back into depression about a month later.  This is why bipolar disorder is so annoying, difficult and just painful, I wish I could smack it.  Sometimes, we the lucky have to get our meds adjusted, and at the most inconvenient times I might add.  Like right now, when I have bills due. (sigh)  It just happens for no reason other than chemicals misfiring in my brain.  Luckily, my doctor can fit me in at 7pm on a Tuesday, but it’s definitely better sooner rather than later.img_4212

Sometimes, you may see us at our absolute worse and we act perfectly fine around you which takes years of constant practice and discipline.  I have learned to control how I act on the outside even though inside I am screaming and pissed off.  It’s all about tackling the enemy in my head.  It is exhausting.

There is no cure, only maintenance and self-care. My biggest crutch when I’m in depression is cigarettes, I need to just quit already.  On a positive note, I love to write and listen to music and my support system is obviously amazing as well.

I must keep my brain occupied and my blood flowing or that’s when I fall hard. It’s gotten a lot easier to manage and it gets a little bit easier every time.  

That’s if you know it’s coming which is rare.

It usually hits me like a truck.

But I never give up and neither should you!