Recently and just as soon as I was relieved to be back on track after starting a new medication, I fell back into depression about a month later. This is why bipolar disorder is so annoying, difficult and just painful, I wish I could smack it. Sometimes, we the lucky have to get our meds adjusted, and at the most inconvenient times I might add. Like right now, when I have bills due. (sigh) It just happens for no reason other than chemicals misfiring in my brain. Luckily, my doctor can fit me in at 7pm on a Tuesday, but it’s definitely better sooner rather than later.
Sometimes, you may see us at our absolute worse and we act perfectly fine around you which takes years of constant practice and discipline. I have learned to control how I act on the outside even though inside I am screaming and pissed off. It’s all about tackling the enemy in my head. It is exhausting.
There is no cure, only maintenance and self-care. My biggest crutch when I’m in depression is cigarettes, I need to just quit already. On a positive note, I love to write and listen to music and my support system is obviously amazing as well.
I must keep my brain occupied and my blood flowing or that’s when I fall hard. It’s gotten a lot easier to manage and it gets a little bit easier every time.
That’s if you know it’s coming which is rare.
It usually hits me like a truck.
But I never give up and neither should you!